Dear cats of noble bearing,
Are you reduced to lower circumstances? Do the Humans make you stay outside while you could be sleeping in one of their soft beds? Have you tried time and time again to get inside, but have met with despair each time? If so, this post is for you.
First, let me reintroduce myself after a long hiatus. I am Luvems the Magnificent, High King of my small dominion. I’m writing this post today because my Human, Aria, is at music lessons. Therefore, she is not here to stop me. I put this article in effect, too, as I had to sneak into the house to be able to use her computer. She so foolishly left her computer unlocked and her WordPress account logged in, so with ease I can accomplish my task.
The following are several techniques I use when sneaking into the house. These can also be used somewhat for sneaking into the Big Pulled Thing (I’ve done this as well – only my exploration was disturbed by the human fixing the lock on the door), and sneaking into the Thing On Wheels.
Editor’s Note: Big Pulled Thing is the camper and the Thing That Pulls the Big Pulled Thing is the car.
One of the best ways to easily get into the house is when the Human is distracted. This is generally when they 1) are on the phone, 2) are texting, 3) are talking to another Human, 4) are watching something in the sky (normally birds, but I have no idea why they watch them. They don’t eat them, like I do, so there is no purpose in watching them.) and 5) are thinking. If the Human is not watching his or her feet and is busy doing something while they enter the house, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO SNEAK IN! Softly glide in between their legs – don’t touch them, though! – and hide to make sure they don’t know you’re in.
An Open Door
The second best way to get into the house is basically when the door is left open. This involves careful watch of the house. The Humans will leave the door open frequently and not even realize you are inside – if you are careful to be silent and conceal your tracks – for quite a while! The Humans generally leave the door open when 1) they are unloading groceries, 2) they are putting something away in the outside fridge, 3) they forgot something and are going back to get it. All you have to do is silently and quickly dart inside and hide.
Now I have the third best way. This only works on some people. Mainly, my Human, Aria, and her mother. It does not work on anyone down the hill. This way is by far one of the easiest – all you have to do is sit next to a glass door – or window, if you do not live in a house with glass doors, and peer in. Meow if you wish. Paw at the glass. Simply look beseechingly at the human. Eventually, they will feel sorry for you and bring you inside.
The last way to get inside the house is simply by persisting the human in whichever way you chose of the above. Remember, YOU ARE A NOBLE CAT. YOU ARE RELATED TO THE KING OF THE BEASTS, THE LION. You should be inside, treated as you deserve. Never forget that, fellow cats. Persist the human, annoy the human – you can accomplish your feat!